The Sex Talk?

I'm putting the linked blog on hold for something I have to get off my chest. I don't know where this is coming from. Maybe my guilty conscience is coming at me after a few years, maybe my mother's being talking to me too much or maybe it's because my 'Skins' addiction has been flaring up. I really can't say. But it seems to me that people don't realise that having sex is like opening a can of worms.
Getting things back into place after your first time isn't easy. Take it from someone who had an unusual and painful experience. And I'm not referring to the sex. I don't even really remember that anymore. I remember it hurt and I tried to convince myself it felt good. That's about it. It was a bad situation overall and there is no sex talk that will prepare you for that. Somebody could have told me my right eye would explode and I would have sacrificed that right eye to make sure "the love of my life" was happy.
But that was a long time ago. And that's not really what I want to talk about. It's the after-effects that count. And I don't know how to describe that feeling. The feeling that something is now missing in you, you're a little bit empty. And as far as you know, sex is the only thing that can substitute the loss of that part of you. Believe me when I say if you're not ready for all of it, then you can't handle any of it. Sex complicates things. One person may cling while the other drifts or both may end up more attached than necessary and in a stable relationship, this can work but it's something that has to be observed carefully.

You may be ready one day but when the very complicated feelings pile on, there is no one who can really pull you through but you. In my opinion, there is no such thing as "uncomplicated sex". Something will always complicate it. Always.

I'm the last person who would go around preaching abstinence to a room to a room full of teenagers. It would make me a hypocrite (I'm not sexually active now, but I have a complicated past) and a liar, because I wouldn't believe what I am standing up there and saying.

"Sex is like Pringles- once you pop, the fun don't stop." Me, joking with my friend (2007-ish?)

And in other news....

-Bindhi is a Felix! We did a double check and found the truth. Whoopsie!

-I've decided to get a tattoo. Not right now. Sometime in the future. I don't know when. I had a friend design one for me. (He actually has designed quite a few...on my arms...with a Sharpie.) It's a black cat with a stylized 'N' next to it. Quite gorgeous, actually. I'll upload a pic of it sometime...I also want an industrial piercing (Google it)

-To be honest, I started this out wanting to rant. I wanted to rant about how people need to learn to accept others despite their religion. It's one of the few forms of real prejudice still left everywhere. There really is no place in the world safe from it. Not even my house. My family (except my step-person...I don't know what to call him yet....) is Catholic. Less Catholic than we used to be, mind you. But I'm still forced to go to mass every Sunday. Did I mention I was 18? It doesn't matter that I don't believe in Christ (for reasons mentioned in previous entries), I still go. It pisses me off.

-I think I might fo to F.I.T. when I'm done here. I know, "Nicky? In New York? Doing Fashion Design? Noooo" Yes. I hear they do I toy design program. Who knows, maybe I'll be the next Jason Wu.

Teaser: I'm thinking that my next post has to be when I have time because each word/phrase is gonna be linked.

Tippy and The Baby

I woke up to the sound of very loud yowling this morning. I figured it was Tippy, complaining about the lack of food in his plate.

"Nicky, come and see what Uncle Xavier has here!"

It took a while to figure out what it was. Dripping wet and rather scraggly, the jet black tiny thing had pointy ears and big eyes. A proper look told me it was a kitten, not a puppy. Another kitten! He found her in one of those manhole sewers and washed it clean. After checking, we discovered that she's a girl. We dried her off and fed her, at which point Tippy got very curious. He stuck his face in her plate and ate from her food to prove that it's his home.

He's spent the morning jumping and playing with her even though all she really wants is to sleep. I hide to had her between the cushions on the couch so that she could have some peace. I've named her Bindhi, which I think suits her very well. She's just as small as he was when we found him. About a week (maybe two) old.

A New Age

Eighteen.

So yesterday, I was thinking of posting a two-part blog of events. "My last Day as a Minor, My first day as a Legal Adult" But to tell the truth 18 doesn't change you. Growth is a learning experience. I'm not magically an adult just because I can legally get away with things I couldn't before.

Anyway, the day's been good so far (It's only 8 am) and hopefully it'll stay that way. I woke up at the following hours because of the following people:

-1:00 am, Zahra (my baby sister): "Happy Birthday Nikii! Like, omg, you're so ooollld"
-2:00 am, Jordan (my boy bestie): This conversation lasted for an hour, and most of it was just chatting.
-6:30 am, Tedi(my bestie): She sent me a text wishing me a Happy Birthday and telling me she hoped the day was Wicked (yea, I got the pun, T)

I tried to sleep for five minutes but was woken up by my step-dad(ish) and my mum(who proceeded to give me an inspirational monologue about how much I've grown).

In checking my Facebook, I found myself bombarded with Happy Birthday messages. And the day's not even over.

So overall, it's been a good morning. I have a feeling it'll only get better.

Admittedly Short Post

Just wanted to inform everyone that I've started a story through livejournal. It's entirely experimental and may end up not being finished when I turn back to my (not online) series. The working title for the story is "Alternatively" and will follow a teenager's journey as she slowly discovers her alternate personalities.

Please check it out.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (also known as Multiple Personality Disorder) is a real disease that often affects children and teenage victims of abuse.

(++) If anyone has a link to a movie, article, or documentary that will give an interesting first person view of DID/MPD, it would be much appreciated.

Things I Hate

-That ringing noise you hear when a surge protector is turned on
-Hypocrisy
-People who hurt children
-People who hurt animals
-Misrepresentation of an illness in the media
-Ignorance
-People who intentionally remain ignorant for the sake of proving a point
-Racism
-The fact that organizations like the Klu Klux Klan still exist
-Papaya
-The Dragon Ball Evolution trailer

Talking To My Past

So littleradge uploaded this video a couple weeks back (that I only just watched) expressing ten things he would tell his younger self if given the chance. Unfortunately, I have no camera. (BOO) So I'm gonna write 'em here. (YAY!)
NOTE: The ten things written here are different from the ten written as a comment on littleradge's video. (I'm writing to 8-year-old Nicky)

1. Start watching old Doctor Who episodes because when the new show starts you will be slightly confused.

2. Stop eating all that junk food crap. In ten years, it will matter.

3. You know those kids who won't really hang out with you too much because you look different and those guys who never seem to get crushes on you because you're darker than them? They're not gonna mean much to you in ten years. Never mind it.

4. You know that money Mum started saving as "spending money"? Do not spend it on a PSP. You're only gonna end up trading that for an iPod which will get stolen. Buy a CAMERA.

5. Forget about "Casper meets Wendy". Hilary Duff is gonna suck after Lizzie McGuire.

6. Boys don't drool. Hang out with them because in a couple years, girls are gonna feel all superior because they think they've started puberty and they don't even realise that you got your period this summer (at 10) and they get all bitchy. Seriously.

7. Don't feel discouraged because your dad isn't around. He does try.

8. You have a knack for drawing and writing. Stick to those because in a few years it'll get really confusing.

9. You know how moving around always gets you really depressed and p'o'd? Get used to it. It still hasn't stopped.

10. Buy more shoes. I promise you won't grow out of them until you're at least 15.

If you liked that feel free to post your own or y'know comment.